The Courage to Confess
by Mikauzoran
Summary: Kaito and Shinichi are in love. Each has admitted it in his own heart but is unable to shake feelings of insecurity and doubt. They fear rejection and value each other too much to risk their friendship. Will Shinichi and Kaito ever take the gamble and find the courage to confess?


Mikau: Hey, guys. Sorry for the brief disappearance. Here's the long and short of it: I got sick, my dog got sick, we have to put my dog to sleep, so I've been more interested in spending time with her than writing lately. Thank you all for your continued patience and support. Hopefully I'll see you guys again soon.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd see about a Magic Kaito drama. Now wouldn't that be cool? I wouldn't know who I'd want to play whom, though. I don't watch a lot of dramas, so I'm more in the know about voice actors than actors. But probably Toda Erika-san and throw in some Arashi members like Nino-san, Aiba-san, or Sakurai-san. Nino might make a cute Kaito. Anyway…

…

The Courage to Confess

Class had ended for the day, and the sun was going down as Beika U's students made their way home, to the dorms, to their part-time jobs, to some college-sponsored activity, or just out for a night on the town.

Shinichi was walking alongside the drainage ditch, headed to the police station when he saw a familiar figure lying peacefully in the grass along the embankment—Kuroba Kaito was having a lazy catnap in the dying light of the warm June sun.

Shinichi had first met Kaito at a Kid heist, and the other teen had immediately struck him as suspicious. They were reunited once more as lab partners freshman year in chemistry class, and, from there, Kaito had kind of made himself a permanent part of Shinichi's life and only served to strengthen Shinichi's suspicions.

Not that Shinichi really minded much anymore on either count. Kaito had come to be a warm, reassuring, welcome presence as Shinichi had gotten to know him personally. At first Kaito drove Shinichi up the wall, but, as Hakuba Saguru had assured him it would, the annoyance and frustration soon passed. In the beginning, Shinichi had wanted to soccer ball Kaito in the face, but now…he just couldn't help thinking what a crime it would be to do anything to mar such an entrancing visage.

Shinichi smiled fondly as he made his way over and sat down at Kaito's side, not saying a word, just being still and enjoying the moment, the serene look on Kaito's dozing face.

"Imagine you're in a dark room," Kaito posed the challenge quietly without opening his eyes. "How do you get out?"

Shinichi furrowed his brow and brought his palms together, chewing his bottom lip in thought. "…Does the room have windows? A door? How about a light switch? Are the doors and windows locked?"

Kaito peeked an eye open to gaze blandly at Shinichi. "How am I supposed to know? You're the one imagining the dark room. It's however you imagined it'd be. You tell me."

Shinichi's frown of concentration deepened as he puzzled over this room Kaito had challenged him to escape. "Well, if I were trying to keep me in, there wouldn't be windows—at least, not windows that a human could fit through. The door would be locked, and there wouldn't be any access to light in order to disorient and—"

"—Shin-chan?" Kaito called in the voice he often used to reign Shinichi back in when the detective went too far off on an (often mystery-related) tangent. "You're just imagining that you're in a dark room. You're not actually in a dark room. Stop imagining and you'll be free."

Shinichi blinked, and then a broad smile with a hint of sheepishness took over his expression. "Yeah, I guess so," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Okay. Kuroba one, Kudo zero. Got another one for me?"

Kaito shrugged, closing his eye again and smirking as he recited: "If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you don't have me. What am I?"

Suddenly Shinichi was very thankful that Kaito had his eyes closed as thoughts of "having" Kaito invaded Shinichi's very much hormonal teenage brain. Yes please and thank you! He imagined Kaito pouncing on him right then and there, spreading his knees, forcing his legs apart, and—dammit, get your mind out of the gutter. He'd never be able to explain away the grass stains on his back once he got down to the station, but…having Kaito? If Shinichi had Kaito, he'd treasure that brilliant, beautiful man.

Wait. What was the second part of the riddle? Share Kaito? Haha—No. Not going to happen. In the distant past he might have imagined some kind of threesome with himself sandwiched between Kaito and Ran, but…those days had long since passed along with his vertically-challenged phase. Nowadays he was a one-man detective, and Kaito was it.

Hold on. Say that again. What? There was too much going on in his head. He wasn't getting the riddle.

Shinichi laughed in embarrassment. "…You've stumped me. What are you, Kuroba?"

Kaito smirked, a tribute to his alter-ego but just a few shades lighter than Kid's brand of crazy. "A secret. If you have a secret, you want to share it, but, if you share it, it's not a secret anymore."

"Oh." Shinichi had a secret alright. He wasn't feeling too compelled to share, though, fearing Kaito's reaction. Somehow, Shinichi was doubting that his platonic friend (in a committed relationship with a girl that Kaito had loved a good decade and a half now) would respond favorably to Shinichi's sudden announcement of: "I seem to have fallen irrevocably in love with you. Would you consider letting me bear your children? No? How about making me your love slave?"

Yeah. That was going to go over very nicely. Shinichi could tell.

Shinichi was shaken from his thoughts as the object of his obsession slowly came up to sitting.

There was an apprehensive look—equal parts anxiety and eager anticipation—in Kaito's eyes as he looked out at the slowly rusting glow of the sunset. "So…" he started off with a sharp pop of his lips, nibbling on the bottom one a little before turning to face Shinichi.

He smiled nervously. "I broke up with Aoko."

Shinichi had had this daydream before. Kaito would next tell him that he'd suddenly realized what a nice butt Shinichi had from all of his years running around after a soccer ball. After that, Kaito would demand for Shinichi to disrobe on the spot, and there would be much mindless bliss and animalistic growls and howls.

Shinichi blinked, and Kaito was still there, staring at him, waiting for a response or at least some sign of acknowledgement as the anxiety level rose.

"What?" Shinichi was baffled. It was a joke. Seriously?! Aoko-san and Kaito had broken up?! Hallelujah! But wait. Had she finally figured out Kaito's secret?! Was Kaito in danger?! Would she expose him?! Was she gonna bludgeon him to death with a mop?! Wait. No. Kaito had said that _he_ had been the one to break things off. Had he finally grown weary of keeping his night job a secret? Had the guilt become too much for him to bear?

"I broke up with Aoko," Kaito repeated, voice softer this time, worry taking over. Clearly Shinichi was not exhibiting the correct behavior in response to Kaito's news.

"Why?" Shinichi finally asked.

Kaito shrugged a single shoulder, looking out at the fast-fading orb on the horizon. "She said that…lately I've been distant…like I wasn't really with her, even when we were together. She's been saying that for a while now, and…I finally realized that she was right. My mind has been elsewhere, even when…especially when…_you know_," Kaito mumbled the last part with a raspberry blush painting his cheeks…or it could have just been the watermelon glow of the sinking sun.

Shinichi didn't want to think about Kaito and Aoko-san and "_you know_". "_You know_" was the sacred thing that Shinichi and Kaito did together in Shinichi's dreams as a testament to the strength of their love—a physical connection that symbolized their mental link, the bond that their souls shared.

"Just…somewhere along the line I stopped…not 'loving' her. That's not the right word. I still love her to pieces, but…it's different now. It's not the soul-consuming passion that there was before. Now, it's…she doesn't make my blood boil and my body sing anymore, you know?"

Shinichi nodded. "I get you. It's like with Ran and me. I came to see her more as a sister than a woman."

"Yeah. That's it exactly!" Kaito remarked, seemingly excited that he wasn't alone, that others had felt the same way before and had come out the other side just fine. "It's been happening slowly for a while now, but…Aoko's dear to me, but she's not the one that ignites me anymore. When I'm with her I always…I just keep thinking…" Kaito sighed, covering his eyes with his palms and taking a deep, calming breath.

Finally Kaito looked at Shinichi. He took a deep breath. "Shinichi…" He choked. He couldn't do it. "…You know, I was talking to Haku-chan the other day, and he was saying…" He caught himself chickening out and bit his tongue, closing his eyes and taking a second to gather his courage once more. "That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say…" He looked Shinichi in the eye and silently begged the detective to just figure it all out. "I've…fallen in love with…with…someone else." He crashed and burned at the end, too afraid to say it to Shinichi's face in case Shinichi didn't feel the same way. Shinichi was a dear friend, and Kaito didn't want to push Shinichi away with his confession.

Meanwhile, Shinichi's heart curled up into a tiny ball and sunk like the Titanic. For a moment there he'd had some hope. He'd been holding his breath, waiting for Kaito to confess that it was Shinichi that had captured the magician's heart, but…

"S-Someone else?" Shinichi struggled to get the words out. His tongue was suddenly feeling dried up like a sponge forgotten in the blazing July sun.

Kaito bit his lip and turned away, nodding. "Y-Yeah. I'm in love with…with…someone else."

Shinichi looked in the opposite direction, eyes gazing almost unseeing at the river at the bottom of the embankment. "Oh. Well…that's good that…you know…there's someone else." He had to do his best to be supportive just as he'd been supportive of Kaito's relationship with Aoko-san. It wouldn't do to lose Kaito's friendship now.

"Oh." Kaito gulped, feeling like a deflated balloon. "You think it's good?" Shinichi obviously didn't care. He was completely unaffected by Kaito's crush on a supposed third party. He had his answer then, didn't he? Shinichi couldn't return his feelings.

"…Yeah." Shinichi mentally kicked himself for being so slow to respond. He sounded insincere. He was going to tick Kaito off by being so indifferent to his friend's good news. "What did they say when you confessed? Are you two going to start going out soon?"

Kaito chewed nervously on the inside of his cheek. "I haven't told them yet. I'm sort of afraid that they're going to laugh at me or scream 'Ew! Gross!' or something."

Shinichi whipped his head around to gawk at Kaito. "Are you kidding me? _You_ of all people are worried about being shot down?" He could hardly contain his incredulous laughter. "Who is this chick? If you don't think you've got a shot, what hope is there for the rest of us mortal men?!"

Kaito chuckled softly in embarrassment at Shinichi's high praise; a peach-colored blush of pleasure brightened his cheeks, but it was difficult to differentiate from the rosy glow that the sun was casting. "Thanks, Shin-chan. I'm glad that you believe in me at least."

"Seriously. What kind of girl has shaken the confidence of the great Kuroba Kaito?" Shinichi was really beginning to worry. Kaito had an ego the size of a small galaxy. To make Kaito doubt himself…. "What is she, an idol? Some foreign noblewoman?"

Kaito shook his head, starting to squirm under his beloved's scrutiny. "Would you hate me if I told you that it wasn't a girl?"

Shinichi blinked as he processed this information. His brain had to reboot a few times, and Kaito was sweating like a marathon runner by the time Shinichi finally replied, "Hakuba." That single word dripped with all the malice one might have for the man that had slaughtered one's village and defiled one's true love.

Kaito blinked. "What?"

"It's Hakuba, isn't it?!" Shinichi snarled. "You've been talking about him a lot recently. Every other conversation we have is 'Hakuba this' and 'Haku-chan that'! You've been spending all of your free time with him, and don't think that I haven't noticed the way that he looks at you! He's finally won you over, hasn't he?"

Kaito stared dumbly at his dense crush. "Uh…no. No. It's definitely not Haku-chan. Thank you for playing. Please try again. Yeah, I talk about him a lot and spend a lot of time with him, but…he's kind of one of the only other friends that I have besides you, and he's my roommate. We're sort of stuck having each other around a lot by the sheer fact that we share a fairly small living space.

"As for these alleged 'looks' he's been giving me…" Here Kaito blushed, shoulders rising to meet his ears. "Yeah, okay. He loves me, and he may delight in reminding me of his feelings from time to time just to see me squirm in embarrassment, but…Haku-chan confessed to me back in high school before Aoko and I started dating, and I was perfectly clear with him then and there that he was permanently assigned to the friend zone. We've been really close friends this whole time, and he's a perfect gentleman about it, so if he chooses to continue to nurse his feelings towards me, I don't see how it's anyone's business but his, so…so there."

Shinichi studied Kaito for a moment before slowly beginning to nod.

"You never answered my question," Kaito quietly pointed out, eyes locked on a single blade of grass in order to anchor himself.

"What?"

"Would you hate me if I was in love with another man?" Kaito asked again, tightly gripping the hem of his shirt.

"Kuroba, I don't think I'm actually capable of hating you. I don't think I'd be able to truly hate you, no matter what you did," Shinichi whispered, knowing it was true. His heart was so full of love for Kaito that there was no room for anything else. Even if Kaito turned on him or spurned him, or even if Kaito's petty crimes turned darker, more serious, Shinichi just couldn't imagine himself hating the one he loved. He'd probably mourn the loss of Kaito in his life, find some way to blame himself for Kaito's abuse, or reassign blame in the criminal incident so that Kaito was merely a victim of circumstances in need of Shinichi's rescue. It wasn't possible for Shinichi to feel anything other than love (well, and the occasional frustration or annoyance, but…) towards Kaito.

Kaito hesitated before he turned and arched an eyebrow at his love. "R-Really? So…you're not freaked out? You don't think it's gross or anything that I…?" Kaito swallowed hard.

Shinichi shook his head, gently smiling at his best friend. "No. I'd be a hypocrite if I did."

And now Kaito blinked as it took a minute for what Shinichi was implying to sink in. "…You…too?"

And Shinichi nodded, looking back down at the water as the last light of the sun died on the horizon.

"Is there anyone in particular that you're interested in now?" Kaito successfully fought the urge to gulp, but he did give in and cross his fingers on the hand that was hidden from Shinichi's view.

The detective turned bright red, and Kaito was sure it wasn't just the sun's light making Shinichi's cheeks burn like smoldering coals.

Shinichi nodded.

Kaito bit his lip. "W-Who? Who is it?"

Shinichi shook his head. "You first."

Kaito shook his head with all of the vehemence of a five year-old determined that 'No, he would not go to bed, thank you. He was not tired'. "It's too embarrassing."

"Says the guy that crossdresses in scandalous outfits on international TV and shamelessly flirts with whomever the situation calls for," Shinichi snorted. "And _this_, telling me who the heck you're in love with, THIS, of all things, is too embarrassing."

"Well, what about you then?" Kaito grumbled. "The guy that runs into flaming buildings and takes on crime lords and all manner of bombers and murderers and dangerous people while trapped in the body of a seven year-old—too scared to say the name of the guy that he's got a crush on."

"I am not!" Shinichi scoffed at the very idea. "…I'm just scared that you're going to laugh me out of town."

"Yeah, same here," Kaito chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Okay, how about this: You tell me, and if I laugh, I have to treat you to dinner?"

"You're not going to want to have dinner with me after I tell you," Shinichi grumbled under his breath.

Kaito frowned. "Why not? You're not in love with a total loser, are you? I mean, it can't be so bad that I'd be embarrassed to be seen with you, right?"

Shinichi shrugged. "Fine. Suit yourself, but you have to tell me too, and don't try being tricky. I want a fair and equal exchange of information."

The lines taking up residence on Kaito's forehead deepened. "…Okay," he finally replied in a small voice. "But if you laugh at me, you have to buy me dinner, no matter what you think about what I say."

Shinichi nodded. "Okay. It's a deal then…. On three?"

Kaito gulped and nodded as well.

"One, two, three! Kudoba Kaiichi!"

There was a beat as they both stared at each other, each believing that they had misheard. Who was Kudoba Kaiichi?

They blinked in unison and then replied, "What?"

Kaito gulped. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. Say that again?"

Shinichi shook his head, afraid. "You first."

Kaito took a deep breath and slowly raised his hand to rest his pointer finger on Shinichi's nose. "I said: 'Kudo Shinichi'." He felt as if his heart was going to explode. He was overheating, going to die of embarrassment any second now.

Shinichi blinked again to make sure that he wasn't actually dreaming. Suddenly he felt weightless, like his soul had left his body. "'Kuroba Kaito'," he whispered, wetting his lips nervously. "I said 'Kuroba Kaito'."

Slowly but surely a dazzling blush and a grin of pure joy bloomed on Kaito's face, and the magician began to laugh freely, sounding happier than Shinichi had heard him in months.

Kaito's laughter was infectious, and Shinichi soon found himself rolling around in the grass alongside Kaito, the two of them laughing their heads off.

Slowly the giggles died down, and Kaito wrapped his arms around Shinichi's torso, squeezing the detective like a boa constrictor bent on destruction.

"Seriously?" The younger of the two brunettes mumbled into Shinichi's collarbone.

"Mm," Shinichi hummed blissfully. "Yeah, and you have no idea how freaking happy I am that you feel the same way. I can't tell you how hard it's been for me having to hold back because of Aoko-san and always being so scared that you'd find out how I felt and say that we couldn't be friends anymore. Oh, God, Kuroba, I'm so freaking relieved."

"Kaito," Kaito whispered as he pulled up to kneel over Shinichi. "Shouldn't it be 'Kaito' now? I've been trying to get you to call me Kaito for two years now, but…it's finally okay now, isn't it?"

"Kaito," Shinichi tested it out on his tongue, and it melted like chocolate, bringing a seam-bursting grin to Shinichi's face. "Kaito…will you go out with me?" He held his breath as he awaited the answer to a question he'd been yearning to ask for what felt like lifetimes now.

Kaito blinked and then sat back on his heels, breaking out into peals of laughter once more.

Shinichi sat up, smile draining from his face as he stuttered. "Is…that a no?"

Kaito's laughter died instantly. "No! I mean YES! I mean yes I'll go out with you! Sorry. I'm sorry. I was just…I just thought it was funny that you had to ask after we'd both just said that we loved each other. If two people loved each other, of course they'd go out. I'm sorry, Shin-chan."

Shinichi shook his head, quickly getting over it. "Things don't always work out that way in the real world, but since when do you live in the real world?"

"Right." Kaito smiled gently, slipping his hand into Shinichi's. "Sorry…. I guess I owe you dinner since I laughed."

A light grin slowly returned to Shinichi's face as well. "Yeah. Yeah, you do…but I guess I owe you dinner as well since I laughed too. To be fair, you're laughing is what made me laugh in the first place, though."

"Technicalities." Kaito shrugged, getting to his feet and holding out a hand to help Shinichi up as well. "Did you want to collect now? If not, I do. I haven't eaten yet."

"Sure." Shinichi didn't really need the hand up, but he left his palm in Kaito's simply because he enjoyed the feeling of their fingers entwined. "I wasn't doing anything urgent. I'm sure the forces of evil won't win if I let the police do their own jobs just this once."

Kaito rolled his eyes and started walking. "Let's hope not…though, if we were to judge the Japanese police force based on Nakamori-keibu and his squad's performances…I'd be worried."

"You're too harsh on them," Shinichi chuckled, swinging their joined hands back and forth while they walked. "They'd be perfectly competent if they were up against a lesser thief. You just make everyone look bad, myself included sometimes."

Kaito shrugged, his trademark smirk lighting up his face. "What can I say? I'm just that good."

Shinichi rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly.

Kaito came to a stop all of the sudden as if it had just occurred to him that he'd forgotten something.

"Something the matter?" Shinichi turned, tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah. That confession," Kaito replied with a heated expression.

Shinichi blinked, getting an uneasy feeling again.

As if sensing his boyfriend's fears, Kaito smiled and shook his head. "No. It's just…I didn't do that right."

"What do you mean?" Shinichi frowned as Kaito released his hand.

Kaito cleared his throat and looked Shinichi straight in the eye, his own violet irises burning with passion and love and desire and something else that was unreadable. It felt a little something like…promise…commitment.

"Kudo Shinichi, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else before…more than I ever thought possible. I want to do this right. I want you to know just how serious I am about this, so…Shinichi, I love you; will you be mine?" Kaito bit his bottom lip as he awaited Shinichi's answer, but the ardent look in Kaito's eyes never wavered.

"Yes," Shinichi replied firmly. "I will. I love you too, Kaito."

With a smile, Kaito leaned in and stole Shinichi's lips in an intense, emotional kiss that was almost searing.

After a long while that just didn't seem long enough they slowly pulled back, both smiling like idiots.

Kaito laughed joyfully again as he retook Shinichi's hand and began tugging the detective along after him once more. "Best day ever," he hummed, and Shinichi was content to listen quietly as they walked along hand in hand, Shinichi lost in thoughts of Kaito.

"Yeah," Shinichi chuckled softly, giving Kaito's hand a squeeze. "Best day ever."

The

End

…

Mikau: Geez, they're so silly and cute and insecure. Well, I hope you liked it. I was feeling a little down due to my own illness in part but mostly because of that of my dog, and didn't really have the inspiration to work on anything else, so I decided to do one of my picture prompts again. They always seem to morph into full-blown fics, don't they? Anyway, this is inspired by a picture of Shinichi and Kaito sitting on the grassy incline of one of those drainage canal flood plain things. As usual, I have no idea who drew the picture, but many thanks for the spark of inspiration. Thanks so much for reading guys, and many thanks in advance for your reviews!


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